Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Aam aadmi airlines to be launched soon

Captain Gopinath of Deccan fame who recently joined AAP will be starting a new airlines. The new airlines will be targeted at Aam Aadmis who fly in jets but with a clause that they donate or become a member of Aam Aadmi Party. They said that all airlines are corrupt and have been owned by Ambani and Modi and hence Aam Aadmi do not get seats. A statement from party is highlighting that with this move they will be directly competing with Ambani for private jets and would teach him a lesson for not answering to any of their queries. However no one from AAP was able to comment on why did they questioned Modi for flying in personal jets earlier.

A committee has been formed for designing the look and feel of the aircrafts. It consists of aam aadmis belonging from party notably Arvind Kejriwal, Yogendra Yadav, actress Gul Panag, singer Rabbi Shergill, ex RBS CEO Meera Sanyal and ex Infosys CFO V Balakrishnan & Gopinath. The aircrafts will be redesigned considering taste of aam aadmi and will be designed to resemble Autos, Rickshaws, Arvind Kejriwal's blue wagon R & local trains from outside. They will also have taglines at back like "Horn OK AAP Please", "Ye Party yu hi chalegi" & "Dharna Rocks".

Also, based on aam aadmi demands the airlines will have referendum on airhostess who looked the best while on dharna wearing lungi, mufflers and Aam Aadmi Party topis. Food served in the airlines will be vada pao, samosa, aloo parantha and a special aam aadmi pizza. Daggers were out on the proposal of adding chai to menu and they have now settled to "banta" & "tharra". Banta is a popular lemon based soda drink and tharra is a local hooch. In case of any spills or littering, passengers will be given a special AAP jhadu to clean it . Seats will be replaced by popular rural wooden beds known as "khatiya".

Instead of the safety videos, passenger will hear Arvind Kejriwal speeches about Yogendra Yadav surveys. TV entertainment will also include AAP's dharna videos, Arvind Kejriwal's rallies and on popular demand Somnath Bharti's porn site links.  A special section  titled "Modi exposed" is also being planned. All people with Modi as their surnames are being contacted for the same.

In a speech Arvind Kejriwal said that this will revolutionize the way we travel and will also put a tab on existing airlines. Tickets will not be sold but on a  popular referendum to the highest bidder. It will be truly people's airlines. God Bless!!

Disclaimer : Kripya dhyan de, padte samay kisi bhi cheez se apne aap ko baandh le, hasne ke baad girne se lagi chot ka zimmedar author nahi hoga.

Monday, March 24, 2014

DC Comics to sue Aam Aadmi Party for copyright violation

DC Comics the creator of Batman is contemplating suing Aam Aadmi Party for copyright violation for its supervillian Bane. In a top secret meeting held at their headquarters Chuck Dixon and Graham Nolan have clearly emphasized that AAP strategy and speeches mirror the Bane character and its background story. They are impressed with this however they also believe that its unfair and that proper credits are not given to them.

Considering impressive display of AAP in Delhi elections it has been widely reported in media that AAP's anarchy bears a close resemblance to Bane rise in Dark Knight rises. Also they have in the past reported that Modi's rise also equals the Dark Knight Batman himself but all those articles and reports have been either banned or prohibited by Congress lead UPA govt. A famous image given below is also trending on twitter

This has caught DC Comics eye and they are pursuing legal action for the same. Although credible sources are also saying that there is slight opposition in the board since some are saying that this may be useful in reviving the Bane character itself. They say they can tie up with AAP and fund them to have their logo on all AAP banners & advertisements. This is welcome news for AAP who are facing shortage of funds for the coming elections. One fan has also posted as using Jhadu(Broom) as a powerful weapon for Bane since he got easily defeated by Batman.

It will be a win-win situation for both as DC comics as they will gain extensively in the big Indian Market. On being questioned, few AAP volunteers quashed the view that they will attract negative publicity. They believe that any publicity is good publicity and also cited examples that Yogendra Yadav's survey after the Dharna proved that. Somnath Bharti firm has already started spamming this rumour and made replaced their porn sites with fan sites for the same.

Disclaimer : Please treat this as satire, having no relation to anybody living/dead or on dharna.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

AAP proposes to do away with sources, references in presentations, project reports.

In a big boost to the engineers and MBA students AAP has proposed in their manifesto to do away with mentioning sources & references in PPT's and project reports if voted to power. This comes as a welcome surprises to most of the students. This they say is as a result of powerful persuasion by the AAP core committee which consists mostly of ex journalists. In a random discussion in which Arvind Kejriwal highlighted his personal plight of arranging sources for his book Swaraj; Ashutosh, Ashish Khaitan & Shazia Ilmi failed to understand the needless efforts. They thought it's completely unnecessary to worry about such trivial matters and they have personally never bothered to look into this. Adding to it Yogendra Yadav also gave an example when he handled the campaign of Rahul Gandhi in last elections. Prashant Bhushan a lawyer by profession and Gopal Rai, ex CPI member also supported them.

Backbenchers association welcomed this proposal and have also formed a FB group BackbencherforAAP. Mentioning sources and references have been a major problem to students. A major weapon by professors specially those in IIT, it has been used to wreck grades & career of most of the students. Infact a poll conducted by Yogendra Yadav showed that 80% of students have difficulty in finding sources and references and otherwise have no problem in preparing project reports and presentations as such. This move may also increase truthfulness among students who otherwise take greater pains in finding sources that can be mentioned than actual information which is mostly obtained directly from Wikipedia.

One of the professor wrote a letter writing sixteen questions to AAP against this proposal but that letter has been misplaced by mischievous people. AAP has alleged that all the professors are paid by Modi and they will be put in Jail once AAP comes to power.

Hearing this Doctors have sat on Dharna demanding a blanket ban on laboratory reports and tests as they can treat patients more faster based on intuition and visible effects. If people are corrupt can be declared just by looking them in TV so can the patient be cured just by his appearances. This will increase lead time on curing one patient and new patients with entry fees can be seen more. 

Anyways by the favourable reviews of this proposal, AAP is also contemplating removing Notary Stamp and Gazzetted officer signature for all record purposes. They are thinking since AAP is the most credible source in Universe e Verification by AAP and signature by any AAPtards (sorry AAPian) is sufficient and should be considered in future. Vladimir Putin has already sent his invasion of Ukraine  request to AAP as we speak. 

Disclaimer: All the characters in this article are fictious and resembling to any party/people living, dead or in dharna is purely coincidental. 
P.S. If you have any problem mail me, it's another matter that I won't change the content of article. 

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Arvind Kejriwal is reincarnation of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

To explain the U-Turns with speed of light, Yogendra Yadav today said that Arvind Kejriwal is reincarnation of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Yogendra Yadav also said that he himself is a direct descendant of Robert Louis Stevenson, the creator of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and he also showed documents of certification by AAP Members which currently is the only legitimate proof for everything in India.

Yadav also explained that the now famous cough and muffler look of Kejriwal was created to hide his split personality disorders. But with so much U-turns happening recently, an apologetic Yadav said that its best to come out with truth and expressed his sympathy with Kejriwal. With all hope lost of winning elections Yadav played the sympathetic card and expressed public support and votes to continue this charade.

He also explained that Kejriwal is undergoing extensive psychological treatment as part of which he is made to assume CM, PM, SC Judge, US President, Solar System Owner, Milky Way Creator etc among others. Insider reports say that when AAP had to pull up the stunt of Delhi govt falling, he suffered a sudden breakdown in health. With no hopes of improvement they had to use Leonardo Di Caprio of 'Inception' fame to plant the Anti- Modi Dream in Mr Hyde part to bring out the best in Kejriwal. A small program tweek borrowed from Congress was also done in which CTRL+H was done with all occurrences of corruption with communalism. The trials for this was carried out last year when public was highlighted that AAP will remove corruption. This technique was referred to as a great innovation in which part personality dreaming was invoked to plant a flimsy thought successfully. This was a master trump card and soon revived Kejriwal and fit enough to fight for national elections.

A special Dharna has been called on 1st April, the April Fools Day by AAPians to express solidarity with their founder member's condition.

Disclaimer : All characters/names/party are dream sequences from Karan Johar's film and have no relation to any reality. In case of any resemblances like AAP being equated as Congress B Team, these are just coincidences and their is no deliberate attempt to equate anything.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Delhi Metro upset with Sir Kajriwal

Delhi Metro is reportedly upset with His Highness Kajriwal for gross neglect and unfulfilled promises. After embracing Delhi Metro by travelling in it for taking oath as Chief Minister he has apparently forgotten about it. It was love at first sight for Delhi Metro and it hoped for a long term commitment but what it got was a one day stand. But, Kajriwal apparently didnt even return via Metro after taking oath. Inside reports are also hinting that Kajriwal has purposedly lost his Metro Card so that he can claim innocence. 

It is also miffed that now Kajriwal is openly backing a competitor which goes by the name of WagonR and is blue in color. With so much space jampacked with people, Delhi Metro offers comfortable standing position with ample spaces of headrest on sweaty smelly arms of fellow commuters. It also offers wide variety of views from slums to Delhi Secretariat and has become the preferred mode of transport for Delhi'tes in years. By not travelling even after his resignation, Kajriwal has lead to a tragic love affair gone horribly wrong.

With reports of Kajriwal taking private charter to travel to Delhi, Delhi Metro had a sudden heartache and all trains on all lines stopped for two minutes when Kajriwal even refused to take Airport Metro line to arrive at the event from airport. Even after revival trains are running slow as after affects of shock. Metro officials are finding difficult to console it and there are plans to request PM Modi to visit Delhi Metro on his next visit to the capital to revive it after breakup.

But, things don't seem to come to end as in a sign of clear jealousy Delhi Metro has written a letter to local trains in Mumbai to avoid Kajriwal on his Mumbai visit.

Lets hope things become better as now Delhi loves its Metro more than it did to Sir Kajriwal.

Disclaimer :  The characters in this article are fictitious and any resemblance to any Aam Aadmi/object/train/party/car,  living/dead/on dharna or in hidden conservation with PunyaPaap is purely coincidental.