Stealing Pen needs to be made a criminal offense

Pen Stealing is quite a popular event in schools, colleges and offices in India. But what was assumed to be a harmless activity has now risen to alarming levels. Situation has risen to such an extent that even profitable startups are finding difficult to break even because of Pen picketing by prospective clients. Beside monetary losses, reports have emerged of possible long term devastating consequences.

Traditionally pen has been an important tool in Indian's arsenal and they have always believed that pen is mighter than swords. Schools in India gradually shift the students to pen from pencil hoping to extract the maximum benefit from this saying. Its another thing that many kids use this phrase during pen fighting which is a popular gaming activity during school hours. A Fight club is also being planned with ideas of introducing pen fight in Olympics. But, pen picketing has become a common phenomenon in almost all the institutes & workplaces. It starts with simple borrowing of pens from friends and then pretending to forget giving back to owner. Complacency on the part of owner gives the thief liberty to feel the ownership of the product and hence the development of habit as an acceptable behavior.

Psychologists have warned that these people show tendency to become criminals in future. A popular report by Indian Psychiatric Institute has now come with a verified reports and also cites the example of popular politicians turned criminals who once used to steal the pen. Names have been withheld as of now for obvious reasons. This report has triggered massive outrage among honest kids and officegoers who find it very difficult to regularly buy new pens through their monthly allowance or salaries. Also, the person who loses the pen suffers great pain and agony. The above report also confirms that productivity of person goes down and some cases have also lead to severe depression & loss of sanity.

Arvind Kejriwal is planning a dharna to introduce this law immediately and postpone the elections until this has been implemented. He says that pen picketing gives rise to corruption and thus all politicians with records of pen picketing should be arrested and banned immediately. An associate of Arvind Kejriwal joked that his pen was once taken by Kejriwal but has not be returned since. Kejriwal replied that allegations are wrong and that person is Ambani agent and he borrowed the pen to write his book Swaraj and now he should feel proud of that. That associate is now declared as ex associate and his membership to AAP cancelled.

Cashing on this, GPS companies have come up with solutions and are retrofitting pens with locators which can be tracked. The equipment costs Rs 1000 and can only be put in all pens priced from Re 1 to Re 1000. They are also providing free download of Android and iOS apps. 

Currently we do not have any laws that cover pen lost & recovery. Still swift actions regarding these complaints are taken by police through either LOL or GPL. But people now want more stricter action against habitual offenders.

Meanwhile, Pen manufacturing companies have secretly met with Rahul Gandhi and have been assured that all action will be transparently and women will be empowered to file RTI regarding this. Feeling helpless they are organizing donation drives for Corrupt Politicians Welfare Fund.

Hope all sense prevails and this landmark bill passes through voice vote if and when it comes to parliament.

Aam aadmi airlines to be launched soon

Captain Gopinath of Deccan fame who recently joined AAP will be starting a new airlines. The new airlines will be targeted at Aam Aadmis who fly in jets but with a clause that they donate or become a member of Aam Aadmi Party. They said that all airlines are corrupt and have been owned by Ambani and Modi and hence Aam Aadmi do not get seats. A statement from party is highlighting that with this move they will be directly competing with Ambani for private jets and would teach him a lesson for not answering to any of their queries. However no one from AAP was able to comment on why did they questioned Modi for flying in personal jets earlier.

A committee has been formed for designing the look and feel of the aircrafts. It consists of aam aadmis belonging from party notably Arvind Kejriwal, Yogendra Yadav, actress Gul Panag, singer Rabbi Shergill, ex RBS CEO Meera Sanyal and ex Infosys CFO V Balakrishnan & Gopinath. The aircrafts will be redesigned considering taste of aam aadmi and will be designed to resemble Autos, Rickshaws, Arvind Kejriwal's blue wagon R & local trains from outside. They will also have taglines at back like "Horn OK AAP Please", "Ye Party yu hi chalegi" & "Dharna Rocks".

Also, based on aam aadmi demands the airlines will have referendum on airhostess who looked the best while on dharna wearing lungi, mufflers and Aam Aadmi Party topis. Food served in the airlines will be vada pao, samosa, aloo parantha and a special aam aadmi pizza. Daggers were out on the proposal of adding chai to menu and they have now settled to "banta" & "tharra". Banta is a popular lemon based soda drink and tharra is a local hooch. In case of any spills or littering, passengers will be given a special AAP jhadu to clean it . Seats will be replaced by popular rural wooden beds known as "khatiya".

Instead of the safety videos, passenger will hear Arvind Kejriwal speeches about Yogendra Yadav surveys. TV entertainment will also include AAP's dharna videos, Arvind Kejriwal's rallies and on popular demand Somnath Bharti's porn site links.  A special section  titled "Modi exposed" is also being planned. All people with Modi as their surnames are being contacted for the same.

In a speech Arvind Kejriwal said that this will revolutionize the way we travel and will also put a tab on existing airlines. Tickets will not be sold but on a  popular referendum to the highest bidder. It will be truly people's airlines. God Bless!!

Disclaimer : Kripya dhyan de, padte samay kisi bhi cheez se apne aap ko baandh le, hasne ke baad girne se lagi chot ka zimmedar author nahi hoga.

DC Comics to sue Aam Aadmi Party for copyright violation

DC Comics the creator of Batman is contemplating suing Aam Aadmi Party for copyright violation for its supervillian Bane. In a top secret meeting held at their headquarters Chuck Dixon and Graham Nolan have clearly emphasized that AAP strategy and speeches mirror the Bane character and its background story. They are impressed with this however they also believe that its unfair and that proper credits are not given to them.

Considering impressive display of AAP in Delhi elections it has been widely reported in media that AAP's anarchy bears a close resemblance to Bane rise in Dark Knight rises. Also they have in the past reported that Modi's rise also equals the Dark Knight Batman himself but all those articles and reports have been either banned or prohibited by Congress lead UPA govt. A famous image given below is also trending on twitter

This has caught DC Comics eye and they are pursuing legal action for the same. Although credible sources are also saying that there is slight opposition in the board since some are saying that this may be useful in reviving the Bane character itself. They say they can tie up with AAP and fund them to have their logo on all AAP banners & advertisements. This is welcome news for AAP who are facing shortage of funds for the coming elections. One fan has also posted as using Jhadu(Broom) as a powerful weapon for Bane since he got easily defeated by Batman.

It will be a win-win situation for both as DC comics as they will gain extensively in the big Indian Market. On being questioned, few AAP volunteers quashed the view that they will attract negative publicity. They believe that any publicity is good publicity and also cited examples that Yogendra Yadav's survey after the Dharna proved that. Somnath Bharti firm has already started spamming this rumour and made replaced their porn sites with fan sites for the same.

Disclaimer : Please treat this as satire, having no relation to anybody living/dead or on dharna.

AAP proposes to do away with sources, references in presentations, project reports.

In a big boost to the engineers and MBA students AAP has proposed in their manifesto to do away with mentioning sources & references in PPT's and project reports if voted to power. This comes as a welcome surprises to most of the students. This they say is as a result of powerful persuasion by the AAP core committee which consists mostly of ex journalists. In a random discussion in which Arvind Kejriwal highlighted his personal plight of arranging sources for his book Swaraj; Ashutosh, Ashish Khaitan & Shazia Ilmi failed to understand the needless efforts. They thought it's completely unnecessary to worry about such trivial matters and they have personally never bothered to look into this. Adding to it Yogendra Yadav also gave an example when he handled the campaign of Rahul Gandhi in last elections. Prashant Bhushan a lawyer by profession and Gopal Rai, ex CPI member also supported them.

Backbenchers association welcomed this proposal and have also formed a FB group BackbencherforAAP. Mentioning sources and references have been a major problem to students. A major weapon by professors specially those in IIT, it has been used to wreck grades & career of most of the students. Infact a poll conducted by Yogendra Yadav showed that 80% of students have difficulty in finding sources and references and otherwise have no problem in preparing project reports and presentations as such. This move may also increase truthfulness among students who otherwise take greater pains in finding sources that can be mentioned than actual information which is mostly obtained directly from Wikipedia.

One of the professor wrote a letter writing sixteen questions to AAP against this proposal but that letter has been misplaced by mischievous people. AAP has alleged that all the professors are paid by Modi and they will be put in Jail once AAP comes to power.

Hearing this Doctors have sat on Dharna demanding a blanket ban on laboratory reports and tests as they can treat patients more faster based on intuition and visible effects. If people are corrupt can be declared just by looking them in TV so can the patient be cured just by his appearances. This will increase lead time on curing one patient and new patients with entry fees can be seen more. 

Anyways by the favourable reviews of this proposal, AAP is also contemplating removing Notary Stamp and Gazzetted officer signature for all record purposes. They are thinking since AAP is the most credible source in Universe e Verification by AAP and signature by any AAPtards (sorry AAPian) is sufficient and should be considered in future. Vladimir Putin has already sent his invasion of Ukraine  request to AAP as we speak. 

Disclaimer: All the characters in this article are fictious and resembling to any party/people living, dead or in dharna is purely coincidental. 

P.S. If you have any problem mail me, it's another matter that I won't change the content of article. 

Arvind Kejriwal is reincarnation of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

To explain the U-Turns with speed of light, Yogendra Yadav today said that Arvind Kejriwal is reincarnation of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Yogendra Yadav also said that he himself is a direct descendant of Robert Louis Stevenson, the creator of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and he also showed documents of certification by AAP Members which currently is the only legitimate proof for everything in India.

Yadav also explained that the now famous cough and muffler look of Kejriwal was created to hide his split personality disorders. But with so much U-turns happening recently, an apologetic Yadav said that its best to come out with truth and expressed his sympathy with Kejriwal. With all hope lost of winning elections Yadav played the sympathetic card and expressed public support and votes to continue this charade.

He also explained that Kejriwal is undergoing extensive psychological treatment as part of which he is made to assume CM, PM, SC Judge, US President, Solar System Owner, Milky Way Creator etc among others. Insider reports say that when AAP had to pull up the stunt of Delhi govt falling, he suffered a sudden breakdown in health. With no hopes of improvement they had to use Leonardo Di Caprio of 'Inception' fame to plant the Anti- Modi Dream in Mr Hyde part to bring out the best in Kejriwal. A small program tweek borrowed from Congress was also done in which CTRL+H was done with all occurrences of corruption with communalism. The trials for this was carried out last year when public was highlighted that AAP will remove corruption. This technique was referred to as a great innovation in which part personality dreaming was invoked to plant a flimsy thought successfully. This was a master trump card and soon revived Kejriwal and fit enough to fight for national elections.

A special Dharna has been called on 1st April, the April Fools Day by AAPians to express solidarity with their founder member's condition.

Disclaimer : All characters/names/party are dream sequences from Karan Johar's film and have no relation to any reality. In case of any resemblances like AAP being equated as Congress B Team, these are just coincidences and their is no deliberate attempt to equate anything.

Delhi Metro upset with Sir Kajriwal

Delhi Metro is reportedly upset with His Highness Kajriwal for gross neglect and unfulfilled promises. After embracing Delhi Metro by travelling in it for taking oath as Chief Minister he has apparently forgotten about it. It was love at first sight for Delhi Metro and it hoped for a long term commitment but what it got was a one day stand. But, Kajriwal apparently didnt even return via Metro after taking oath. Inside reports are also hinting that Kajriwal has purposedly lost his Metro Card so that he can claim innocence. 

It is also miffed that now Kajriwal is openly backing a competitor which goes by the name of WagonR and is blue in color. With so much space jampacked with people, Delhi Metro offers comfortable standing position with ample spaces of headrest on sweaty smelly arms of fellow commuters. It also offers wide variety of views from slums to Delhi Secretariat and has become the preferred mode of transport for Delhi'tes in years. By not travelling even after his resignation, Kajriwal has lead to a tragic love affair gone horribly wrong.

With reports of Kajriwal taking private charter to travel to Delhi, Delhi Metro had a sudden heartache and all trains on all lines stopped for two minutes when Kajriwal even refused to take Airport Metro line to arrive at the event from airport. Even after revival trains are running slow as after affects of shock. Metro officials are finding difficult to console it and there are plans to request PM Modi to visit Delhi Metro on his next visit to the capital to revive it after breakup.

But, things don't seem to come to end as in a sign of clear jealousy Delhi Metro has written a letter to local trains in Mumbai to avoid Kajriwal on his Mumbai visit.

Lets hope things become better as now Delhi loves its Metro more than it did to Sir Kajriwal.

Disclaimer :  The characters in this article are fictitious and any resemblance to any Aam Aadmi/object/train/party/car,  living/dead/on dharna or in hidden conservation with PunyaPaap is purely coincidental.

AAP : As a Marketer's Case Study

Its both interesting and fascinating to describe the AAP Phenomenon. From a marketer’s perspective AAP is a perfect case study to learn from. Its customer base or supporters so to speak involves an interesting mix, from ardent supporters to those like me, whose love affair ended with a heartbreak. The Product here is AAP and we look at how it got evolved and marketed. 

Different Categories of current AAP supporters/ customers are:

Loyalists/ Emoticons:

These were the people who were frustrated with corruption and price rises. The Introduction of the product had strong media coverage. Their main drive was the core product's claim of fighting against corruption, awe inspiring stuff indeed. It led everyone to believe in the power of change. Prevalent conditions and rising frustrations against current politicians fueled its rise. The Brand Ambassador & the OWNER, His Highness Mr Arvind Kejriwal – a man with impressive credentials was a great booster in attracting the loyalists.

  The product was launched amid much fanfare and with huge media coverage, unprecedented advertisement at a level which even Unilever, P&G, Nestle etc. cannot match. The media campaign was paid or free, only time will tell. Virtually a single player, AAP sweept popular sentiments and their brand slogans Vande Matram and Bharat Mata Ki Jai were carefully chosen to Inspire & Motivate. It opened up a new category of politicians, one that was said to be a blue ocean product

Loyalists have been transformed into an army of blind faithful who see no wrong. It’s no longer a movement, it’s becoming more a religion. Those who support it are professing extreme hatred against those who are not. Slowly and slowly they are getting more abusive, more derogatory, all in the favor of the CAUSE. The Cause, is however now lost and all that remains are illogical beliefs.

Discount Customers:

The core product of AAP has lost its sheen. The recent decisions to partner with congress have slowly and slowly added to modification of product. The effectiveness of the product is being doubted and we started having post purchase dissonance. So in comes company with terrific promotion activities, the freebies. So, it attracted those people for whom free water and discounted electricity are precious and were also biggest voter base during the elections.

   Interestingly these freebies were said to be the features of products as in, electrical bills were said to be inflated due to corruption and the product will solve all problems. Hence, nobody counter checked their claims because the campaign was so successful. Those few who did, were voiced down vehemently by sponsored blog posts to justify the rationale. Its another thing that now huge war is being fought between the companies and the government resulting in more increase of tariff to those not getting subsidized electricity.

   

Impulse Customers:

A shady survey conveyed with great tempo showing itself to be the superior product got the voters confident about product reliability. Interesting set added here were the NRI’s and IT/ITES people working outside India. There’s nothing wrong in going outside to seek jobs or educate themselves because they were not able to get here. But its shameful when some of these behave like snobbish hypocrites who despise everything there is in India. Most of the AAP's support comes from these people. They have no idea of ground realities, infact they wont even care to vote. But still believe they are contributing to India by propagandizing these causes. They practically have no points whenever asked to explain the faults in products but are always ready to communicate media snippets AAP propagates. 
For them supporting AAP is like a fashion statement. Excellent work here on creating the Brand Identity.

Need-Based Customers

With the celebrity like status of AAP’s core team, they attracted people of all kinds. Not to forget their self cleansing activities akin to Gangajal every person now wants to join AAP to fulfill their vested interests. Capt. Gopinath and Meera Sanyal had fought and lost elections and want to revive their career. Mallika Sarabhai relished the propect of having somebody forceful to be with her against Modi. Ashutosh, the guy with uncured anger management issues is the new clown in AAP Circus.
    Among the not so famous people also, AAP has served as a tool to surrogate market themselves. Its an interesting sight nowadays on Delhi streets, people who earlier were flaunting their congress links are now advertising AAP. Not sure where the money is coming from for these lakhs of posters, but one things is confirmed AAP has replaced the congress as face saviour for them.

Wanderers/ Ice Cream Supporters

Ice Cream Supporters, I first thought of this term when Anna Hazare fasted for Lokpal during my IIT days. I could see that most of the crowd who had gone there had no interest to what was going on, all they wanted was their 5 seconds of fame when a desperate reporter caught with them. They went stood for some time and then enjoyed the Ice cream from dozens of vans that were standing there, threw the wrapper on the road and came back. As soon as camera panned anywhere near them they started raising slogans and when the camera zoomed elsewhere they were more interested in discussing the girls who had come. It was a pathetic deplorable sight one that was never caught by any reporter. Eureka stuck again when you could see the same at the recent dharna, only difference was ice cream vans were replaced by tea stalls. Its a sad irony that the same dharna that AAP did was for women safety. 

     AAP's marketing campaign is one of the world's most powerful campaign in modern era. It has captured the attention of billion Indians and foreigners abroad. As they are passing the maturity cycle, pitfalls are emerging fast. The core product is losing its sheen as they are violating the fact they stood for.
   The parties funding and fake austerity of demanding govt homes are drawing flak. Difference within the party are emerging. Prashant Bhushan wants referendum on Article 370 and supports naxals. Somnath Bharti as a law minister (I am surprised how he got that considering his basic knowledge) thinks talking to a complainant on pretext of string operations is right, spamming & advertising porn films is a mundane activity, humilating Ugandian Women to suit a certain mob of Khirki is a heroic act and ordering police as rights of a Minister is a good thing. Kumar Vishwas has history of abusing Muslims at will, and cracking filthy joke on Kerala Nurses. Corruption allegations on Manish Sisodia misusing NGO's funds and overspending in the elections are other black spots to talk about. The nonsense dharna holding Delhi to ransom, the Binny episode and the recent anti women allegation by Ms Bhanduri are also drawing much criticism. 

If they are not able to control the post purchase dissonance they are likely to fall in decline phase which will be disastrous for their ardent supporters. All things aside, they did some innovative campaigning and attracted media spotlight and believed in philosophy that any publicity is good publicity. If only their product was as good as their marketing things would have been much better.

Note: For the sake of inquisitive few, the models I have used are the Diffusion of Innovation Model, Product Life Cycle Model and Customer Loyalty. For other specific terms go google.