Saturday, May 3, 2014

Congress Plan B revealed AKA 'Agent Cody Banks'

With all efforts failing, Congress is looking forward to Plan B post elections. Leaked reports have confirmed of a brainstorming session done to look at all options post elections. The most important decision to come out of this meeting is a brainwave by Digvijay Singh. He has suggested at training Raihan and Miraya Vadra Gandhi, children of Priyanka Gandhi and Robert Vadra for future potential Prime Ministers of India.

Digvijay Singh clarified that during his personal sessions with Amrita Rai he happened to catch "Agent Cody Banks" movie on TV. He thought that it will be first in the history of politics if they can train children to become politicians for future. Supporting him in this noble cause Ahmed Patel, cited that Akbar too became king as a child only. Since constitutional validity was never a barrier for Congress, a recent case being formation of Telangana they say they will pass an Ordinance regarding this. They can also show Rahul Gandhi going a step ahead tearing constitution which gives legal age to contest elections as 25. This move will also help in winning a potential vote banks of millions of children in future.

Mani Shankar Iyer has reportedly taken responsibility to devise a comprehensive program to train these kids. Raihan Vadra sorry 'Gandhi' impressed everybody by saying that if Uncle Rahul Gandhi can talk about balloons and toffees in public speeches then he can do it better than him. Meanwhile Sanjay Jha & Randeep Singh Surjewala is preparing a 'Dummy's guide to Politics' edition 2002 Gujrat Riots to teach kids how to handle interviews by deflecting ever question and targetting Modi. The book consists of seperate chapters coined by various luminaries in Congress. Financial aspects have been covered by Suresh Kalmadi. Ashok Chauhan & Pawan Kumar Bansal. Women issues have been discussed in detail by Digivjay Singh, Abhishek Manu Singhvi & ND Tiwari. An inspirational chapter 'Nothing is Impossible' has been written by Pratibha Patil. Azam Khan has been requested to write a guest article on Secularism. Ofcourse, Sonia Gandhi has written the important chapter on Poverty & Reservation as powerful tools of persuasion. Surprisingly Rahul Gandhi too has contributed to this albeit lots of cajoling and horlicks promises. Training couldn't have been completed without sharing his expertise on waking every morning at night, concepts on juptier escape velocity & how to give maza to people for empowerment issues etc. A blank chapter has been kept at the end in honor of Dr Manmohan Singh.

As part of the complete package they are having their Swiss accounts being opened so that they can claim whats rightfully theirs. Dart boards having face of Narendra Modi has been put up for physical exercises. Also, to acclimatize them Robert Vadra is taking them to mango people and conducting Hindi classes for them. On his request DLF has already setup an office for them free of cost. On being asked about their education being hampered because of this, Rahul Gandhi & Sonia Gandhi smiled at each other.

Jhumri Talliya & Toonpur have already been identified as potential seats from which these two can win.
A billion hopes are resting on them as per Congress and people ready to welcome them with open arms.

Disclaimer : The falling article is a failure and tries to achieve many things similar to what UPA did in last 10 years. Its been a rewarding & fulfilling rightful empowered experience to pass this article to poor like minded people like me. However, this article now way mirrors to any actual people, party or government as is the case of Adhaar Card made in few animals name. Any resemblance,if any is purely coincidental like Manmohan Singh as our prime minister.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Somnath bharti felicilated post Kejriwal's Time 100 Win

In a huge boost to AAP supporters Arvind Kejriwal has got maximum votes in Time 100 List. This comes among the recent setbacks and reports of AAP's decreasing popularity. And, the one man that has made this 'Impossible Possible' as per AAPians is Mr Somnath Bharti.

AAP considers this win over Modi bigger than Varanasi and the whole Elections 2014. They say that these elections are local and on minute issues like Corruption, Development but Time's 100 is a global phenomenon. Winning also gives a boost to Arvind Kejriwal candidature for UN Security General or possibly challenging Obama in the next elections. As AK has always said that he doesn't have time and the man is in hurry so its just logical to scale up his status. Yogendra Yadav has already up to task on predicting survey for next US Presidential Elections.

Hence, its just obvious that this win matters above anything else achieved by AAP who believe in winning mentality. And this win has come thanks to valiant efforts of Somnath Bharti. Readers must be aware that Somnath Bharti has a rich experience which he founded and went on to become worlds leading Spam company. Initially AAP thought this will be a cakewalk since BJP and Modi will be too busy in local national elecions. But when AAP saw Narendra Modi winning the survey a day before the poll they pressed the emergency button. Somnath Bharti swung in actions and the result is for all to see.

Reports have emerged that Somnath has now regained the respect and they are also pushing him to be a potenial chief minister candidate for Delhi in the case that Kejriwal goes International. On questioned that Somnath Bharti was also accused of racisim. They said that they will resolve this problem by giving all Ugandans AAP Membership and helping them bring a Swaraj in all whole of Africa.

Somnath Bharti is meanwhile quite elated and is planning to launch similar surveys on his own so that AAP can enjoy more wins like that. This way they say AAP can prove the popularity of issues like Prashant Bhushan's referendum, naxalism, Yogendra Yadav's reincarnation as Salim & AAP International Funding Legitmacy. He celebrated this victory with fellow Khirki residents over a glass of Scotch labeled Krantikari, Bahut Krantikari.

Disclaimer : Similar to the survey, this article is a figment of imagination and has no relation to any real party, survey or people and should be merely treated equivalent of Spams, Bots, Fake Profiles, on Twitter and FB as used to up the voting on the survey. Would suggest Time to take a real survey of real people from next time.

Big Betting going to predict Next Attack on AAP Members

Credible sources have informed us that a big racket has been found which bets on type of next attack on AAP supremo Arvind Kejriwal and its members. Every elections people bet heavily on which party will get majority and how many seats. But, this time a new form of exciting betting in progress on the next mode of attack on Kejriwal. This has also energized the syndicate who were feeling very bored of matches in IPL.

Currently the rates of the betting are :

1. Inks     :   1/4 (Already happened once, and is easily available so chances are high)
2. Slaps   :   1/2 (Happened twice, current favorite of AAP Workers venting their anger)
3. Punch  :   2/1 (Happened once, but require extreme circumstances, plus AAP workers feel that it also                                 endangers health and Shazia Ilmi has clearly said no to this as Kejriwal's innocent face                                   might get affected and will not look good on camera)
4. Eggs    :   3/1( Since, Kejriwal is vegetarian, people have been told to refrain from this, the person who                               threw last time is the only person to be removed for the party)
5. Assault: 10/1(This is holy grail of the betting syndicate, if AAP doesnt get media coverage for three days                            consecutively, they might decide on this too. With recent orchestrated incidents there are                               temptations to have two more attacks before the last two phases respectively)

This betting is getting interesting and all the major betters are now joining AAP themselves to fix the match themselves. Huge money is in play and they are even ready to finance the rest of the elections for this. Dawood has already given okay to this. He is impressed by the fact that even AAP Candidate Anjali Damaniya from Nagpur said that Dawood can fight the elections. Such respect from Indian politicians even congress wasn't expected by him. AAP executive body is also considering to include Legal Betting in their manifesto if the funding comes out good. They say they can say that this is in line with Swaraj idea of Kejriwal as everybody should be allowed to invest their money on his/her choice.

Disclaimer : This article is a satire and has no relation to anything happening on Sky, Dharna, Underwater or in Universe of AAP.