Saturday, May 3, 2014

Congress Plan B revealed AKA 'Agent Cody Banks'

With all efforts failing, Congress is looking forward to Plan B post elections. Leaked reports have confirmed of a brainstorming session done to look at all options post elections. The most important decision to come out of this meeting is a brainwave by Digvijay Singh. He has suggested at training Raihan and Miraya Vadra Gandhi, children of Priyanka Gandhi and Robert Vadra for future potential Prime Ministers of India.

Digvijay Singh clarified that during his personal sessions with Amrita Rai he happened to catch "Agent Cody Banks" movie on TV. He thought that it will be first in the history of politics if they can train children to become politicians for future. Supporting him in this noble cause Ahmed Patel, cited that Akbar too became king as a child only. Since constitutional validity was never a barrier for Congress, a recent case being formation of Telangana they say they will pass an Ordinance regarding this. They can also show Rahul Gandhi going a step ahead tearing constitution which gives legal age to contest elections as 25. This move will also help in winning a potential vote banks of millions of children in future.

Mani Shankar Iyer has reportedly taken responsibility to devise a comprehensive program to train these kids. Raihan Vadra sorry 'Gandhi' impressed everybody by saying that if Uncle Rahul Gandhi can talk about balloons and toffees in public speeches then he can do it better than him. Meanwhile Sanjay Jha & Randeep Singh Surjewala is preparing a 'Dummy's guide to Politics' edition 2002 Gujrat Riots to teach kids how to handle interviews by deflecting ever question and targetting Modi. The book consists of seperate chapters coined by various luminaries in Congress. Financial aspects have been covered by Suresh Kalmadi. Ashok Chauhan & Pawan Kumar Bansal. Women issues have been discussed in detail by Digivjay Singh, Abhishek Manu Singhvi & ND Tiwari. An inspirational chapter 'Nothing is Impossible' has been written by Pratibha Patil. Azam Khan has been requested to write a guest article on Secularism. Ofcourse, Sonia Gandhi has written the important chapter on Poverty & Reservation as powerful tools of persuasion. Surprisingly Rahul Gandhi too has contributed to this albeit lots of cajoling and horlicks promises. Training couldn't have been completed without sharing his expertise on waking every morning at night, concepts on juptier escape velocity & how to give maza to people for empowerment issues etc. A blank chapter has been kept at the end in honor of Dr Manmohan Singh.

As part of the complete package they are having their Swiss accounts being opened so that they can claim whats rightfully theirs. Dart boards having face of Narendra Modi has been put up for physical exercises. Also, to acclimatize them Robert Vadra is taking them to mango people and conducting Hindi classes for them. On his request DLF has already setup an office for them free of cost. On being asked about their education being hampered because of this, Rahul Gandhi & Sonia Gandhi smiled at each other.

Jhumri Talliya & Toonpur have already been identified as potential seats from which these two can win.
A billion hopes are resting on them as per Congress and people ready to welcome them with open arms.

Disclaimer : The falling article is a failure and tries to achieve many things similar to what UPA did in last 10 years. Its been a rewarding & fulfilling rightful empowered experience to pass this article to poor like minded people like me. However, this article now way mirrors to any actual people, party or government as is the case of Adhaar Card made in few animals name. Any resemblance,if any is purely coincidental like Manmohan Singh as our prime minister.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Somnath bharti felicilated post Kejriwal's Time 100 Win

In a huge boost to AAP supporters Arvind Kejriwal has got maximum votes in Time 100 List. This comes among the recent setbacks and reports of AAP's decreasing popularity. And, the one man that has made this 'Impossible Possible' as per AAPians is Mr Somnath Bharti.

AAP considers this win over Modi bigger than Varanasi and the whole Elections 2014. They say that these elections are local and on minute issues like Corruption, Development but Time's 100 is a global phenomenon. Winning also gives a boost to Arvind Kejriwal candidature for UN Security General or possibly challenging Obama in the next elections. As AK has always said that he doesn't have time and the man is in hurry so its just logical to scale up his status. Yogendra Yadav has already up to task on predicting survey for next US Presidential Elections.

Hence, its just obvious that this win matters above anything else achieved by AAP who believe in winning mentality. And this win has come thanks to valiant efforts of Somnath Bharti. Readers must be aware that Somnath Bharti has a rich experience which he founded and went on to become worlds leading Spam company. Initially AAP thought this will be a cakewalk since BJP and Modi will be too busy in local national elecions. But when AAP saw Narendra Modi winning the survey a day before the poll they pressed the emergency button. Somnath Bharti swung in actions and the result is for all to see.

Reports have emerged that Somnath has now regained the respect and they are also pushing him to be a potenial chief minister candidate for Delhi in the case that Kejriwal goes International. On questioned that Somnath Bharti was also accused of racisim. They said that they will resolve this problem by giving all Ugandans AAP Membership and helping them bring a Swaraj in all whole of Africa.

Somnath Bharti is meanwhile quite elated and is planning to launch similar surveys on his own so that AAP can enjoy more wins like that. This way they say AAP can prove the popularity of issues like Prashant Bhushan's referendum, naxalism, Yogendra Yadav's reincarnation as Salim & AAP International Funding Legitmacy. He celebrated this victory with fellow Khirki residents over a glass of Scotch labeled Krantikari, Bahut Krantikari.

Disclaimer : Similar to the survey, this article is a figment of imagination and has no relation to any real party, survey or people and should be merely treated equivalent of Spams, Bots, Fake Profiles, on Twitter and FB as used to up the voting on the survey. Would suggest Time to take a real survey of real people from next time.

Big Betting going to predict Next Attack on AAP Members

Credible sources have informed us that a big racket has been found which bets on type of next attack on AAP supremo Arvind Kejriwal and its members. Every elections people bet heavily on which party will get majority and how many seats. But, this time a new form of exciting betting in progress on the next mode of attack on Kejriwal. This has also energized the syndicate who were feeling very bored of matches in IPL.

Currently the rates of the betting are :

1. Inks     :   1/4 (Already happened once, and is easily available so chances are high)
2. Slaps   :   1/2 (Happened twice, current favorite of AAP Workers venting their anger)
3. Punch  :   2/1 (Happened once, but require extreme circumstances, plus AAP workers feel that it also                                 endangers health and Shazia Ilmi has clearly said no to this as Kejriwal's innocent face                                   might get affected and will not look good on camera)
4. Eggs    :   3/1( Since, Kejriwal is vegetarian, people have been told to refrain from this, the person who                               threw last time is the only person to be removed for the party)
5. Assault: 10/1(This is holy grail of the betting syndicate, if AAP doesnt get media coverage for three days                            consecutively, they might decide on this too. With recent orchestrated incidents there are                               temptations to have two more attacks before the last two phases respectively)

This betting is getting interesting and all the major betters are now joining AAP themselves to fix the match themselves. Huge money is in play and they are even ready to finance the rest of the elections for this. Dawood has already given okay to this. He is impressed by the fact that even AAP Candidate Anjali Damaniya from Nagpur said that Dawood can fight the elections. Such respect from Indian politicians even congress wasn't expected by him. AAP executive body is also considering to include Legal Betting in their manifesto if the funding comes out good. They say they can say that this is in line with Swaraj idea of Kejriwal as everybody should be allowed to invest their money on his/her choice.

Disclaimer : This article is a satire and has no relation to anything happening on Sky, Dharna, Underwater or in Universe of AAP.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

There is nothing like Aam Aadmi in AAP anymore.

We love underdogs and everybody wants them to win. To show that their is hope in this world and world is not just for privileged few. The success story of AAP in Delhi elections was not just because they got 28 seats but because they got 28 seats with almost all unknown candidates. Common man like us, the Aam Aadmi. Sadly though post the govt. formation the arrival of so called celebrities has hijacked the party to the extent that its Aam Aadmi anymore. Infact it has more khaas aadmis, than even BJP & Congress. I would summarize how AAP has gone horribly wrong.

Celebrity Endorsement
The affluent list includes Journalists Ashutosh, Ashish Khaitan , Shazia Ilmi, Jarnail Singh, Rakhi Birla; artists Gul Panag, Javed Jaffrey, Balwant Mann, Kumar Vishwas; ex CEO's Meera Sanyal, Balakrishnan, host of famous naxalites or so called activists, dynastic sons Rajmohan Gandhi, Adarsh Shastri. You can't single out even a single candidate in Delhi as an Aam Aadmi on the contrary their personal wealth ranges in crores. Who are we kidding then when we say this party will look at interests of aam aadmi when it no longer trusts the very aam aadmi volunteers that helped it in Delhi Elections. Why did it get difficult for the dictatorial style driven party to give tickets to worthy candidates instead of media hogging retards. Media created huge hype on BJP stalwarts being sidelined and tickets given to worthy candidates. Nobody mentioned the ploy that AAP now has done so cleverly.

  • AAP tried to pass the bill to waive off the bills for AAP supporters who played along with Kejriwal. This type of self centered motive driven policy is a type of corruption and the courts were wise enough to stop this. The policy reminds the Congress reservation tactics. 
  • Manish Sisodia misused NGO funds and giving fake expense bills.
  • The IAS officer who gave clean chit to Vadra and replaced honest Khemka, Yudhvir Khayalia,is fighting on AAP ticket from Hissar.
  • Gurnam Singh Chudni wife Balwant Kaur given ticket from Kurukshetra after backlash of nominating Chudni first who is involved in illegal land grabbing acitivities & mass corruption
  • Former bureacurat Arun Bhatia and realtor DS Kulkarni alleged dishonesty and lack of transparency in ticket distibution by AAP.
  • Kejriwal's Uncle is rather infamous for being part of Land Mafia and regularly using influence to intimidate people. 
  • Mahender Singh, AAP Nominee from North west Delhi forced to resign after he accuses Rakhi Birla for demanding 7 lakh rupees. AAP reaction to this is it replaced Mahender Singh with Rakhi Birla. Amazing !!!
Women Rights
  • Spamnath Bharti along with his supporters misbehaved with Ugandan women and forced them to pee in public. Also famous for the company that spammed porn links. 
  • Yudhvir Khayalia is also facing sexual harassment charges. Wonder how much he paid, err donated to get AAP ticket.
  • AAP founder member and former diplomat Madhu Bhaduri quit party because women are not respected and that humanity within AAP is dead.
  • Mayank Gandhi says that  those people will give vote to Rakhi sawant who think "jinko maza maarna hoga".
  • AAP Workers in Mumbai apparently tears an old lady cop trousers during a rally in Mumbai
Criminal cases
  • 19% of AAP Candidates in fray for third phase have serious criminal cases including murder and extortion. Data taken from affidavits filed by candidates during nomination
  • 30 % AAP candidates from MP are billionaires and 40 percent have criminal cases against them.
  • Narendra Mohanty, from Kandhamal Orissa was nominated having 28 criminal cases with 3 attempt to murder, one attempt to murder and one dacoity & murder.
  • Ashutosh, the famous journalist has 3 cases against him.
Congress B Team
  • AAP, formed govt with Congress support based on a fake referendum stabbing on back the very supporters who voted it.
  • They hawk at BJP's nomination to congress candidates, but a closer analysis of the whole party strengthens the conclusion that AAP is the favourite hunting ground of ex Congress'ites. Take the curious case of Yogendra Yadav a self confessed "Salim", Served as a personal advisor to Rahul Gandhi in the 2009 elections and member of Sonia Gandhi's National Advisory Council. He is now famous for his increasing reservations speech and now popular inflammatory speech against Modi in Mewat.
  • Rakhi Birla - A reporter of a local news network Jain TV. Her father was again unsurprisingly member of Congress.
  • Shazia Ilmi - Previously a journalist and anchor with Star News now rechristened ABP news. She belongs to a family who are members of Congress and BSP. She fought elections in Delhi Assembly but lost. Chances are she will fight for MP also.
  • Kejriwal has been accused of having close ties with congress by AAP's own Ashwani Upadhaya and had even travelled to germany with Ashish Talwar, UPA Chairperson and close aide of Sonia Gandhi. Kejriwal in lucknow rally said that only Congress president Sonia Gandhi can ensure a strong jan lokpal, which can put all corrupt politicians behind bars, be it those belonging to BSP, SP and BJP.
  • Medha Patkar who is linked with Congress party for fueling sentiments post Gujrat riots nominated by AAP from Mumbai not gujrat.
  • Mukul Tripathi forced to withdraw candidature against Salman Khurshid, says the party is corrupt as donations given in person are never accounted and go straight to Delhi office. 
  • Also, Ashwani Upadhaya alleges that in a secret meeting between Salim Yogendra Yadav & Manish Sisodia with Ahmed Patel & Sandeep Dixit of Congess at Aman Hotel owned by Vadra and it was finalized that party will grow weak against Congress heavy weights. No wonder you don't see candidates against Sonia Gandhi Salman Khurshid, Sachin Pilot & A Raja, 
  • Why does nobody from AAP ever gets prosecuted?? They had dharna outside rail bhawan FIRs were filed nothing was done. Somnath Bharti's spam and porn links aside police came with report blaming him for Khirki Incident, nothing was done. They held violent protests outside BJP office, no idea what happened after that. Inks were thrown by AAP;s own volunteers at Yogendra Yadav nothing was done to him, Arvind Kejriwal was slapped and hit by his own AAP volunteers still nothing was done. If they make Jarnail Singh,the person who is messiah of all shoe throwers people a nominee for LS seat they will generally follow in his footsteps for their minutes of fame.
Drama, Tamasha
  • Media hungry party always looking to create a tamasha out of nothing. 
  • Sat on dharna outside Rail Bhavan when in power just before Republic Day just to save face of Spamnath Bharti. Reports have proved he was responsible for all the drama at Khirki. 
  • Quit govt in 49 days to fight Lok Sabha elections and proving everybody that its because of Jan Lokpal. Simple logic, if AAP claims that it brought down corruption in just 49 days without Jan Lokpal then what was the hype about?? They could have carried out like that for five years. But no, they wanted to satisfy and gain on hype to fight national. Immediately after this their pitch changed from Anti Congress to Anti Modi overnight.
  • Fooled people with free electricity and water promises but at the end gave it subsidy and only to few people.
  • Created hype over CWG audit which till date has revealed nothing, they were no paper still can't give a single proof against the power companies except allegations against Ambani.
  • Claimed to install bus night shelters but poor execution with very few working and that too in worse conditions and poorly planned.
  • Left in lurch the nursery admissions and parents of over a lakh kids had to suffer a harassing three month delay.
Destabalizing India
  • Ex RAW officer gives conclusive evidence that Kejriwal is India's biggest scam and funded by CIA. Recent revelation about Cuban Twitter revolution created by america has an uncanny resemblance to the social campaign run by AAP. Venezuela's Hugo Chavez wrecked its economy and has a story parallel to Kejriwal.
  • Arvind Kejriwal himself declared that Communalism is a bigger problem then Corruption to gather minority votes. Yogendra Yadav said that he is commonly called as Salim when he visited muslim communities. 
  • AAP's founding member Ashwini Upadhaya alleges party funded by CIA and has gross corruption
  • Arvind Kejriwal says that no party will get a majority this time and we should have fresh elections next year when AAP doesn't achieve majority. Crores of money are spent on every elections and a depleting economy can we really afford this. Crucial decisions remain pending and unstable govt lead to flux in development. he should have realized that if he really felt about aam aadmi.
Please vote with sense, logic and for stability. Everybody felt emotional four months ago, its time to get logical.
"Dikhawe pe mat jaao, apni akal lagao"

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Why I support Narendra Modi 4 PM

Most of my friends know that I was born in Gujrat but very few that I was born in the same district as Mr Modi was, seperated by around 35 years & 35 kms. Even though my father relocated to Delhi, my grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews and nieces all still live there. So even though most of my education has been in Delhi, I have had a chance to explore Gujrat very closely having been a regular visitor.

I grew up with the fact that my birthplace, Unjha had the biggest spice market in Asia for Jeera, Sounf and Isabgol with my family involved in processing and trading. The fact that inspite of our family being fairly popular in Unjha, there always used to be a divide between Gujratis and Non Gujratis living in Gujrat and my father had to fight it out against the frequent violent attacks & lawsuits when he first setup base there. Also, every other house had relatives settled outside India working from US to Africa at various levels. Aspiring doctors in Gujrat, who failed to get a entry into an MBBS seat. got degrees from Russia and come and practice here with ancestral setups. Meanwhile a typical gujrati lived a very humble lifestyle but was a hardworking and shrewd businessman. A lot has already been popularized on that but the one fact that stood out was Gujrat was never very strong on education. The word IIT never existed in their dictionary and IIMs were only known for a supposed campus in Ahmedabad. People used to send their young kids to work as interns to learn the trade of business rather than on a reputed higher education outside state. Electricity was fairly regular except on Wednesday's when it used to celebrate its weekly load shedding.Whenever it used to rain heavily it used to flood in our house with roads and holes washed up.

Years rolled by, I got older and didn't much visit there. It was probably during my college vacations that I went again after many years, since then visits have been irregular but richer. Somethings had changed, some didn't. My uncles were working in partnership with local gujratis. Most of the staff of our family business working with us since I was born were still there. The Russian doctor was finding it difficult to build base compared to local ones. Electricity was fairly regular. Roads were proper and an excellent highway was built there that lead me to a place where I had my first go karting experience near Ahmedabad. Cousins were gaming online on a fairly good network speed. In ways more than one it felt better than Delhi. One of my cousin was planning to go Kota to prepare for engineering. Years later his younger brother prepared for JEE in our hometown and yesterday gave his exams with the center in the same district.

Yes, Gujrat was better earlier but it's a less discussed fact that Gujrat was slowly being let down by poor govt.  for many years. They had stopped thinking of any scope for improvement. When Narendra Modi was made CM in October, 2001, Gujrat was plagued with abuse of power, corruption and ineffective administration. The earthquake of January,2001 had not been properly handled and with a year to go to elections BJP was looking at saving face. Narendra Modi, famous for being a diligent worker took the challenge. Matters became worse when in barely 2 months, Gujrat Riots came as a rude awakening to him. Both the earthquake and riots had completely wreaked havoc in Gujrat and it was facing a severe downfall. Critics always argue & make images about an already developed Gurat in the 80's & 90's but ignore this important timeline of 2001-2 that changed everything.

Massive rehabilitation program to those affected both by earthquake and riots was taken swiftly. He knew if Gujrat had to grow it had to develop and retain its talent. Those gujratis who earlier used to flock to go abroad now were encouraged to build a strong manufacturing base in Gujrat itself. Testimonial to this fact is ask any purchase manager of any manufacturing plant in India, chances are he might be sourcing some thing or other from Gujrat. Several hubs for manufacturing and numerous startups have been setup in Gujrat. Several companies have setup bases for research and development there. All this has happened because simplification in clearances and removal of red tapism. Doing business in Gujrat is easy and lead time to set up & get it working is lowest in India. Moreover the exchange of money is transparent and has business reliability of fulfilling orders very high. Women safety is unparallel and my wife can vouch on that. Having worked in Baroda for three years as a sales manager she had no hassles travelling alone in night, where as in Delhi its impossible. Gujrat is probably the safest state where women are treated with utmost respect.

We crib every time when rains happened and Delhi roads are filled with potholes. In Gujrat preventive development takes place now instead of reactive. Highways and roads are build before their need arises, similar is the case of infrastructure for residence and office spaces. Water, electricity & road connections are put up before the industrial site develops. You don't have statistics for such things but these are the things that maximize the chances of growth & development. The people then need to worry about work and their own business rather on basic needs. The biggest positive is no scheme in Gujrat is carried out with the intention of giving advantage to a particular religion, community, sect. Opportunities are open to all and that's when real development happens. To build & maintain these standards consistently for a decade is no mean feat.

Narendra Modi has done all of this with practical, executable steps. He has applied the simple principle of problem solving by walk through and eliminating the wastes. Encouraged the companies in Gujrat to expand and setup bases not only for local market but exports also. Amul Dudhsagar setup a factory in Manesar and added another in Dharuhera is a perfect example. A cooperative movement has been given impetus to explore and move beyond the comfort zone. I know this because we are currently vendors to both the plants. At a time when I see manufacturing sector literally being finished up in Haryana with visionary policies of Hooda and Manmohan Singh, every CEO is discussing with us how to relocate to Gujrat.

In my view I think by far the smartest thing Narendra Modi has done is when he focused on tourism. I have traveled almost the whole of Gujrat and it didn't excite me much as a holiday destination. But the way he has packaged the whole Gujrat Tourism is spell bounding. The roads are good, it is safe to travel with women and finally the maintenance of all the key tourist locations is amazing. Jain Tourism is a big draw in Gujrat now. Temples have been renovated and Ambaji, Somnath and Umiya Mata look grander everytime I visit. The wildlife attractions at Gir have been modernized and you chances of sighting are visibly increased with the pre-decided routes unlike the disappointing Jim Corbett. Places like Daman & Diu also have benefited though largely because of prohibition in Gujrat. It is this vision that India desperately needs today.

We need a man who can do the unthinkable. To ideate, innovate and EXECUTE the ideas. UPA has lead us back by 20 years we need to catch up. From plushy, air-conditioned offices in service industry most of us think we need a revolution aka Kejriwal but what we currently need is a man with a head who doesn't confront the system creating more distrust. Kejriwal brought down the govt because Jan Lokpal was not implemented but still he says that he brought the corruption down in 49 days. This whole points fails logically because if the corruption has fallen in just 49 days without Jan Lokpal then how much impact it could have done even if it was not implemented.

Demographic dividend advantage will not last long. If nothing is done as of now, it will come back to haunt us, similar to what China is facing currently. We need someone with a rationale mind who uses the system and brings accountability and efficiency in it to get desired result. Modi has never been a selfish man but a patriotic person who has challenged things the way they are carried out. 12 years of peaceful rule and he has turned Gujrat back into a formidable force. We need something similar to happen in India. Its the manufacturing sector that is the only hope for creating jobs and reviving the economy. Slowly and slowly Indians are becoming trader puppets in the hands of Chinese companies. Most of the business is currently just importing manufactured goods from China and branding and selling here. We need to change that to run our economy and give jobs to people. India needs to progress, generate jobs before the Services bubble bursts and slowing Agriculture disappoints us.

Narendra Bhai Modi's speech at the Manifesto release says it all. " Main aap sabhi ke unnati ke liye sab kuch karuga, apne liye kuch nahi karuga, badle ki bhavna se kabhi kuch nahi karuga"

Hope that happens and we earn our place in world which we deserve.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Jhumri Talliya People upset with AAP for not making any twitter handle in their name

The magical mythical city of Jhumri Talliya has been quite famous among Indians from time im-memorial. It has always been said that any unique person having jaw dropping ideas is said to be automatically assumed to have come from Jhumri Talliya. AAP being a party formed on similar revolutionary ideas can be said to be have strong relations with this place. Inspite of this Jhumri Talliya residents are upset that AAP has still not made any twitter handle in their name.

It must be mentioned that AAP has a strong presence in twitter and competes strongly with BJP for space. Even though Congress prides itself with several ORIGINAL IDs under people belonging from Republic of Tuvalvu to Mogadishu, it hasn't been taken seriously by congress state offices. But AAP which prides itself as party of IITians, has taken twitter by storm and has quite an active number of volunteers. Apparently, with AAP expanding its frontiers from Delhi to cover India and subsequently to entire World is also planning to setup branches in Neptune, Pluto and even outside Milky Way. To highlight this AAP has setup twitter accounts from each of the cities, state and countries separately. So much so that there are places where you will have two AAP accounts like @OdishaAAP and @AAPOdisha.

Seeing this people of Jhumri Talliya were hopeful that AAP would not only have twitter account in its name but also setup office there. Meanwhile, the local leader Sheikh Chilli is even prepping up to get a nomination under AAP ticket. He has also highlighted the fact that he has clocked a total of 3 days of Dharna to prepare for the same.

On highlighting this to Ankit Lal, IT Admin of AAP, he said that he realizes there has been an error in this and they are planning to get it corrected. Inside reports however say that delay has been because of lack of funds. The automated software setup to send mass twitter messages currently has an upper limit on no. of accounts. They have requested for additional funding to buy more space for accounts. They say that some Modi agents are unnecessarily highlighting this trivial issue and it will be sorted soon. 

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Stealing Pen needs to be made a criminal offense

Pen Stealing is quite a popular event in schools, colleges and offices in India. But what was assumed to be a harmless activity has now risen to alarming levels. Situation has risen to such an extent that even profitable startups are finding difficult to break even because of Pen picketing by prospective clients. Beside monetary losses, reports have emerged of possible long term devastating consequences.
Traditionally pen has been an important tool in Indian's arsenal and they have always believed that pen is mighter than swords. Schools in India gradually shift the students to pen from pencil hoping to extract the maximum benefit from this saying. Its another thing that many kids use this phrase during pen fighting which is a popular gaming activity during school hours. A Fight club is also being planned with ideas of introducing pen fight in Olympics. But, pen picketing has become a common phenomenon in almost all the institutes & workplaces. It starts with simple borrowing of pens from friends and then pretending to forget giving back to owner. Complacency on the part of owner gives the thief liberty to feel the ownership of the product and hence the development of habit as an acceptable behavior.
Psychologists have warned that these people show tendency to become criminals in future. A popular report by Indian Psychiatric Institute has now come with a verified reports and also cites the example of popular politicians turned criminals who once used to steal the pen. Names have been withheld as of now for obvious reasons. This report has triggered massive outrage among honest kids and officegoers who find it very difficult to regularly buy new pens through their monthly allowance or salaries. Also, the person who loses the pen suffers great pain and agony. The above report also confirms that productivity of person goes down and some cases have also lead to severe depression & loss of sanity.
Arvind Kejriwal is planning a dharna to introduce this law immediately and postpone the elections until this has been implemented. He says that pen picketing gives rise to corruption and thus all politicians with records of pen picketing should be arrested and banned immediately. An associate of Arvind Kejriwal joked that his pen was once taken by Kejriwal but has not be returned since. Kejriwal replied that allegations are wrong and that person is Ambani agent and he borrowed the pen to write his book Swaraj and now he should feel proud of that. That associate is now declared as ex associate and his membership to AAP cancelled.
Cashing on this, GPS companies have come up with solutions and are retrofitting pens with locators which can be tracked. The equipment costs Rs 1000 and can only be put in all pens priced from Re 1 to Re 1000. They are also providing free download of Android and iOS apps. 
Currently we do not have any laws that cover pen lost & recovery. Still swift actions regarding these complaints are taken by police through either LOL or GPL. But people now want more stricter action against habitual offenders.
Meanwhile, Pen manufacturing companies have secretly met with Rahul Gandhi and have been assured that all action will be transparently and women will be empowered to file RTI regarding this. Feeling helpless they are organizing donation drives for Corrupt Politicians Welfare Fund.

Hope all sense prevails and this landmark bill passes through voice vote if and when it comes to parliament.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Aam aadmi airlines to be launched soon

Captain Gopinath of Deccan fame who recently joined AAP will be starting a new airlines. The new airlines will be targeted at Aam Aadmis who fly in jets but with a clause that they donate or become a member of Aam Aadmi Party. They said that all airlines are corrupt and have been owned by Ambani and Modi and hence Aam Aadmi do not get seats. A statement from party is highlighting that with this move they will be directly competing with Ambani for private jets and would teach him a lesson for not answering to any of their queries. However no one from AAP was able to comment on why did they questioned Modi for flying in personal jets earlier.

A committee has been formed for designing the look and feel of the aircrafts. It consists of aam aadmis belonging from party notably Arvind Kejriwal, Yogendra Yadav, actress Gul Panag, singer Rabbi Shergill, ex RBS CEO Meera Sanyal and ex Infosys CFO V Balakrishnan & Gopinath. The aircrafts will be redesigned considering taste of aam aadmi and will be designed to resemble Autos, Rickshaws, Arvind Kejriwal's blue wagon R & local trains from outside. They will also have taglines at back like "Horn OK AAP Please", "Ye Party yu hi chalegi" & "Dharna Rocks".

Also, based on aam aadmi demands the airlines will have referendum on airhostess who looked the best while on dharna wearing lungi, mufflers and Aam Aadmi Party topis. Food served in the airlines will be vada pao, samosa, aloo parantha and a special aam aadmi pizza. Daggers were out on the proposal of adding chai to menu and they have now settled to "banta" & "tharra". Banta is a popular lemon based soda drink and tharra is a local hooch. In case of any spills or littering, passengers will be given a special AAP jhadu to clean it . Seats will be replaced by popular rural wooden beds known as "khatiya".

Instead of the safety videos, passenger will hear Arvind Kejriwal speeches about Yogendra Yadav surveys. TV entertainment will also include AAP's dharna videos, Arvind Kejriwal's rallies and on popular demand Somnath Bharti's porn site links.  A special section  titled "Modi exposed" is also being planned. All people with Modi as their surnames are being contacted for the same.

In a speech Arvind Kejriwal said that this will revolutionize the way we travel and will also put a tab on existing airlines. Tickets will not be sold but on a  popular referendum to the highest bidder. It will be truly people's airlines. God Bless!!

Disclaimer : Kripya dhyan de, padte samay kisi bhi cheez se apne aap ko baandh le, hasne ke baad girne se lagi chot ka zimmedar author nahi hoga.

Monday, March 24, 2014

DC Comics to sue Aam Aadmi Party for copyright violation

DC Comics the creator of Batman is contemplating suing Aam Aadmi Party for copyright violation for its supervillian Bane. In a top secret meeting held at their headquarters Chuck Dixon and Graham Nolan have clearly emphasized that AAP strategy and speeches mirror the Bane character and its background story. They are impressed with this however they also believe that its unfair and that proper credits are not given to them.

Considering impressive display of AAP in Delhi elections it has been widely reported in media that AAP's anarchy bears a close resemblance to Bane rise in Dark Knight rises. Also they have in the past reported that Modi's rise also equals the Dark Knight Batman himself but all those articles and reports have been either banned or prohibited by Congress lead UPA govt. A famous image given below is also trending on twitter

This has caught DC Comics eye and they are pursuing legal action for the same. Although credible sources are also saying that there is slight opposition in the board since some are saying that this may be useful in reviving the Bane character itself. They say they can tie up with AAP and fund them to have their logo on all AAP banners & advertisements. This is welcome news for AAP who are facing shortage of funds for the coming elections. One fan has also posted as using Jhadu(Broom) as a powerful weapon for Bane since he got easily defeated by Batman.

It will be a win-win situation for both as DC comics as they will gain extensively in the big Indian Market. On being questioned, few AAP volunteers quashed the view that they will attract negative publicity. They believe that any publicity is good publicity and also cited examples that Yogendra Yadav's survey after the Dharna proved that. Somnath Bharti firm has already started spamming this rumour and made replaced their porn sites with fan sites for the same.

Disclaimer : Please treat this as satire, having no relation to anybody living/dead or on dharna.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

AAP proposes to do away with sources, references in presentations, project reports.

In a big boost to the engineers and MBA students AAP has proposed in their manifesto to do away with mentioning sources & references in PPT's and project reports if voted to power. This comes as a welcome surprises to most of the students. This they say is as a result of powerful persuasion by the AAP core committee which consists mostly of ex journalists. In a random discussion in which Arvind Kejriwal highlighted his personal plight of arranging sources for his book Swaraj; Ashutosh, Ashish Khaitan & Shazia Ilmi failed to understand the needless efforts. They thought it's completely unnecessary to worry about such trivial matters and they have personally never bothered to look into this. Adding to it Yogendra Yadav also gave an example when he handled the campaign of Rahul Gandhi in last elections. Prashant Bhushan a lawyer by profession and Gopal Rai, ex CPI member also supported them.

Backbenchers association welcomed this proposal and have also formed a FB group BackbencherforAAP. Mentioning sources and references have been a major problem to students. A major weapon by professors specially those in IIT, it has been used to wreck grades & career of most of the students. Infact a poll conducted by Yogendra Yadav showed that 80% of students have difficulty in finding sources and references and otherwise have no problem in preparing project reports and presentations as such. This move may also increase truthfulness among students who otherwise take greater pains in finding sources that can be mentioned than actual information which is mostly obtained directly from Wikipedia.

One of the professor wrote a letter writing sixteen questions to AAP against this proposal but that letter has been misplaced by mischievous people. AAP has alleged that all the professors are paid by Modi and they will be put in Jail once AAP comes to power.

Hearing this Doctors have sat on Dharna demanding a blanket ban on laboratory reports and tests as they can treat patients more faster based on intuition and visible effects. If people are corrupt can be declared just by looking them in TV so can the patient be cured just by his appearances. This will increase lead time on curing one patient and new patients with entry fees can be seen more. 

Anyways by the favourable reviews of this proposal, AAP is also contemplating removing Notary Stamp and Gazzetted officer signature for all record purposes. They are thinking since AAP is the most credible source in Universe e Verification by AAP and signature by any AAPtards (sorry AAPian) is sufficient and should be considered in future. Vladimir Putin has already sent his invasion of Ukraine  request to AAP as we speak. 

Disclaimer: All the characters in this article are fictious and resembling to any party/people living, dead or in dharna is purely coincidental. 
P.S. If you have any problem mail me, it's another matter that I won't change the content of article. 

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Arvind Kejriwal is reincarnation of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

To explain the U-Turns with speed of light, Yogendra Yadav today said that Arvind Kejriwal is reincarnation of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Yogendra Yadav also said that he himself is a direct descendant of Robert Louis Stevenson, the creator of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and he also showed documents of certification by AAP Members which currently is the only legitimate proof for everything in India.

Yadav also explained that the now famous cough and muffler look of Kejriwal was created to hide his split personality disorders. But with so much U-turns happening recently, an apologetic Yadav said that its best to come out with truth and expressed his sympathy with Kejriwal. With all hope lost of winning elections Yadav played the sympathetic card and expressed public support and votes to continue this charade.

He also explained that Kejriwal is undergoing extensive psychological treatment as part of which he is made to assume CM, PM, SC Judge, US President, Solar System Owner, Milky Way Creator etc among others. Insider reports say that when AAP had to pull up the stunt of Delhi govt falling, he suffered a sudden breakdown in health. With no hopes of improvement they had to use Leonardo Di Caprio of 'Inception' fame to plant the Anti- Modi Dream in Mr Hyde part to bring out the best in Kejriwal. A small program tweek borrowed from Congress was also done in which CTRL+H was done with all occurrences of corruption with communalism. The trials for this was carried out last year when public was highlighted that AAP will remove corruption. This technique was referred to as a great innovation in which part personality dreaming was invoked to plant a flimsy thought successfully. This was a master trump card and soon revived Kejriwal and fit enough to fight for national elections.

A special Dharna has been called on 1st April, the April Fools Day by AAPians to express solidarity with their founder member's condition.

Disclaimer : All characters/names/party are dream sequences from Karan Johar's film and have no relation to any reality. In case of any resemblances like AAP being equated as Congress B Team, these are just coincidences and their is no deliberate attempt to equate anything.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Delhi Metro upset with Sir Kajriwal

Delhi Metro is reportedly upset with His Highness Kajriwal for gross neglect and unfulfilled promises. After embracing Delhi Metro by travelling in it for taking oath as Chief Minister he has apparently forgotten about it. It was love at first sight for Delhi Metro and it hoped for a long term commitment but what it got was a one day stand. But, Kajriwal apparently didnt even return via Metro after taking oath. Inside reports are also hinting that Kajriwal has purposedly lost his Metro Card so that he can claim innocence. 

It is also miffed that now Kajriwal is openly backing a competitor which goes by the name of WagonR and is blue in color. With so much space jampacked with people, Delhi Metro offers comfortable standing position with ample spaces of headrest on sweaty smelly arms of fellow commuters. It also offers wide variety of views from slums to Delhi Secretariat and has become the preferred mode of transport for Delhi'tes in years. By not travelling even after his resignation, Kajriwal has lead to a tragic love affair gone horribly wrong.

With reports of Kajriwal taking private charter to travel to Delhi, Delhi Metro had a sudden heartache and all trains on all lines stopped for two minutes when Kajriwal even refused to take Airport Metro line to arrive at the event from airport. Even after revival trains are running slow as after affects of shock. Metro officials are finding difficult to console it and there are plans to request PM Modi to visit Delhi Metro on his next visit to the capital to revive it after breakup.

But, things don't seem to come to end as in a sign of clear jealousy Delhi Metro has written a letter to local trains in Mumbai to avoid Kajriwal on his Mumbai visit.

Lets hope things become better as now Delhi loves its Metro more than it did to Sir Kajriwal.

Disclaimer :  The characters in this article are fictitious and any resemblance to any Aam Aadmi/object/train/party/car,  living/dead/on dharna or in hidden conservation with PunyaPaap is purely coincidental.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

AAP : As a Marketer's Case Study

Its both interesting and fascinating to describe the AAP Phenomenon. From a marketer’s perspective AAP is a perfect case study to learn from. Its customer base or supporters so to speak involves an interesting mix, from ardent supporters to those like me, whose love affair ended with a heartbreak. The Product here is AAP and we look at how it got evolved and marketed. 

Different Categories of current AAP supporters/ customers are:

Loyalists/ Emoticons:
These were the people who were frustrated with corruption and price rises. The Introduction of the product had strong media coverage. Their main drive was the core product's claim of fighting against corruption, awe inspiring stuff indeed. It led everyone to believe in the power of change. Prevalent conditions and rising frustrations against current politicians fueled its rise. The Brand Ambassador & the OWNER, His Highness Mr Arvind Kejriwal – a man with impressive credentials was a great booster in attracting the loyalists.
  The product was launched amid much fanfare and with huge media coverage, unprecedented advertisement at a level which even Unilever, P&G, Nestle etc. cannot match. The media campaign was paid or free, only time will tell. Virtually a single player, AAP sweept popular sentiments and their brand slogans Vande Matram and Bharat Mata Ki Jai were carefully chosen to Inspire & Motivate. It opened up a new category of politicians, one that was said to be a blue ocean product

Loyalists have been transformed into an army of blind faithful who see no wrong. It’s no longer a movement, it’s becoming more a religion. Those who support it are professing extreme hatred against those who are not. Slowly and slowly they are getting more abusive, more derogatory, all in the favor of the CAUSE. The Cause, is however now lost and all that remains are illogical beliefs.

Discount Customers:
The core product of AAP has lost its sheen. The recent decisions to partner with congress have slowly and slowly added to modification of product. The effectiveness of the product is being doubted and we started having post purchase dissonance. So in comes company with terrific promotion activities, the freebies. So, it attracted those people for whom free water and discounted electricity are precious and were also biggest voter base during the elections.
   Interestingly these freebies were said to be the features of products as in, electrical bills were said to be inflated due to corruption and the product will solve all problems. Hence, nobody counter checked their claims because the campaign was so successful. Those few who did, were voiced down vehemently by sponsored blog posts to justify the rationale. Its another thing that now huge war is being fought between the companies and the government resulting in more increase of tariff to those not getting subsidized electricity.
Impulse Customers:
A shady survey conveyed with great tempo showing itself to be the superior product got the voters confident about product reliability. Interesting set added here were the NRI’s and IT/ITES people working outside India. There’s nothing wrong in going outside to seek jobs or educate themselves because they were not able to get here. But its shameful when some of these behave like snobbish hypocrites who despise everything there is in India. Most of the AAP's support comes from these people. They have no idea of ground realities, infact they wont even care to vote. But still believe they are contributing to India by propagandizing these causes. They practically have no points whenever asked to explain the faults in products but are always ready to communicate media snippets AAP propagates. 
For them supporting AAP is like a fashion statement. Excellent work here on creating the Brand Identity.

Need-Based Customers
With the celebrity like status of AAP’s core team, they attracted people of all kinds. Not to forget their self cleansing activities akin to Gangajal every person now wants to join AAP to fulfill their vested interests. Capt. Gopinath and Meera Sanyal had fought and lost elections and want to revive their career. Mallika Sarabhai relished the propect of having somebody forceful to be with her against Modi. Ashutosh, the guy with uncured anger management issues is the new clown in AAP Circus.
    Among the not so famous people also, AAP has served as a tool to surrogate market themselves. Its an interesting sight nowadays on Delhi streets, people who earlier were flaunting their congress links are now advertising AAP. Not sure where the money is coming from for these lakhs of posters, but one things is confirmed AAP has replaced the congress as face saviour for them.

Wanderers/ Ice Cream Supporters
Ice Cream Supporters, I first thought of this term when Anna Hazare fasted for Lokpal during my IIT days. I could see that most of the crowd who had gone there had no interest to what was going on, all they wanted was their 5 seconds of fame when a desperate reporter caught with them. They went stood for some time and then enjoyed the Ice cream from dozens of vans that were standing there, threw the wrapper on the road and came back. As soon as camera panned anywhere near them they started raising slogans and when the camera zoomed elsewhere they were more interested in discussing the girls who had come. It was a pathetic deplorable sight one that was never caught by any reporter. Eureka stuck again when you could see the same at the recent dharna, only difference was ice cream vans were replaced by tea stalls. Its a sad irony that the same dharna that AAP did was for women safety. 

     AAP's marketing campaign is one of the world's most powerful campaign in modern era. It has captured the attention of billion Indians and foreigners abroad. As they are passing the maturity cycle, pitfalls are emerging fast. The core product is losing its sheen as they are violating the fact they stood for.
   The parties funding and fake austerity of demanding govt homes are drawing flak. Difference within the party are emerging. Prashant Bhushan wants referendum on Article 370 and supports naxals. Somnath Bharti as a law minister (I am surprised how he got that considering his basic knowledge) thinks talking to a complainant on pretext of string operations is right, spamming & advertising porn films is a mundane activity, humilating Ugandian Women to suit a certain mob of Khirki is a heroic act and ordering police as rights of a Minister is a good thing. Kumar Vishwas has history of abusing Muslims at will, and cracking filthy joke on Kerala Nurses. Corruption allegations on Manish Sisodia misusing NGO's funds and overspending in the elections are other black spots to talk about. The nonsense dharna holding Delhi to ransom, the Binny episode and the recent anti women allegation by Ms Bhanduri are also drawing much criticism. 

If they are not able to control the post purchase dissonance they are likely to fall in decline phase which will be disastrous for their ardent supporters. All things aside, they did some innovative campaigning and attracted media spotlight and believed in philosophy that any publicity is good publicity. If only their product was as good as their marketing things would have been much better.

Note: For the sake of inquisitive few, the models I have used are the Diffusion of Innovation Model, Product Life Cycle Model and Customer Loyalty. For other specific terms go google.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Why Aam Aadmi Party has betrayed aam jawaan of India??

It was in October 2010 that I first saw Mr Arvind Kejriwal at the Pan IIT Conclave in Noida. Frankly speaking, I was mesmerized by his speech and crusade against corruption. It was in april when Anna Hazare started the Anti Corruption Movement that Mr. Kejriwal again stole the limelight. Flash forward some months later, AAP is formed braving all accusations of having vested interests. Aiding their cause was people's frustration with UPA government. Scams after scams kept happening and it looked like the Manmohan Singh's government has lost all shame and control over it's own ministers. People frustrations at loss of jobs, simmered, until it found AAP as the voice that struck the right chords. A slowing economy with no growth and development was adding more pressure to price rises and middle class monthly expenditure. Media coverage to AAP as people's movement was extensive. We believed they were honest and professionals who will do the right thing. Most of all as an IITian the major emotional aspect was that it was led by an astute alumni and thus things could never go wrong. For years politicians had treated us merely bystanders and now was the time the youth stood for change and what we believed in. 
The congress was in power since 15 years in Delhi and 10 years in Central Govt.. Naturally they were suppose to be worst hit here. BJP was sleeping, seemingly overconfident and largely unawares of now famous term #AAPeffect. Nobody really believed that AAP's survey of 45 seats would actually come true but still they came quite close to halfway mark. Even though AAP fell short of majority it had achieved a number which gave an euphoria to all ardent supporters. AK himself said we won't take support from either Congress or the BJP and would prefer to sit in opposition rather than doing the needful. The joke was also made about BJP- Congress partnership. 

U Turn No. 1 

Now all logic fails when we get to know eventually what happened #AAPCon. How it was justified through Youtube ads was infuriating. As per me, this was the biggest betrayal of trust of youth in modern India. All the mamta, jaya, mayawati, bjd's, soren flip overs have been historic but none of them were unexpected. Because all these were regional and community supported, we could have never trusted them to heed national interests or entertain popular opinions. But here was a party who kind of way represented us, our voice, our feelings and above all, anger against congress/ UPA governance & corruption. And if this compromise suits them then they lose all credibility of pointing fingers at any alliance. We didn't want it to get tainted, they were supposed to be sacrosanct - our WMD's against corruption. Sadly, life isn't fair and we all have to deal with this heartbreak forever.
AAP's U turns: Video

U Turn No. 2 
Now AAP might say they don't care about support and only about governance, then why has there been no cases of corruption pursued against any of congress ministers?? Why CWG is not coming up as priority No.1?? Why suddenly they want proof of all corruption?? Didn't they in the first place prepared the draft report of 370 pages against previous govt. Why suddenly all govt officers are fair and if corruption was all about politicians why nobody is being held unaccountable?? And if there was nothing wrong with previous system then why in the world did we vote for you. This leads to serious consequences because as per the "deal" the present govt will not be effective to full and will always work under limitation of not pursuing anything against congress, keeping them happy while enjoying support to do what congress loves to do. Freebies!!!

Populist Measures
The big manifesto containing 18 points created quite a big headline. It was understood that it's precise and hard hitting. Slowly and slowly AAP is tampering it with ifs and buts. It started with free water and discounted electricity, which as per the manifesto pre elections we were told that it's because of corruption and inefficiency of previous government that we are having price rises. And exactly, who is the target audience?? Because I am sure that poor do not have any meters installed at their rented homes & jhuggi clusters. The same trend that was popularized by congress with free food and other schemes is being replicated in an already wearing economy.  Now suddenly doles are offered as part of subsidy and loss to government. Moreover the so called 'manifesto' never mentioned these freebies will be only for few people. I thought AAP was all about inclusive government where in all will have an equal share in benefits and policies. Why the sudden turn on the governance issues, why the initial hogwash and hoopla?? Imagine a family of six- eight paying the price of a nuclear couple who is enjoying the luxury of wasting excess water. If we had wanted free water congress could have given it, they would have also given utensils to use in addition to this :). Corruption exists and is encouraged due to these illogical decisions. People want to enjoy benefits of such scheme and are willing to grease the middlemen to get this even if they are not the intended audience. Arvind Kejriwal of all people should know that IITians every year do several research projects so that they can find alternatives and efficient measures to natural resources. These decisions are mockery of their efforts. You are in power but does that give you a right to give it for free. What about future generation who will have to think hard and fast to get these resources even for basic needs??

All that sham and Pigs in Animal Farms start showing their colours.
George Orwell wrote an outstanding satirical "Animal Farm". The way AAP is functioning exactly mirrors to what has been described as after effects of a brainwashed revolution. 
Animal Farm : George Orwell
False austerity measures were blamed to be perks costing the public. It was hyped that these were not necessities and His Excellency Premier of Janta Darbar, Sir Arvind Kejriwal in an interview himself said that AAP ministers would live between the public to serve them with no special privileges. Now I do realize that these are not perks but sometimes necessary to do government work. But then why the fake show initially and now all that jazz. Creating a hype on petty things like that again makes me assume that people were taken for ride. You say the government in Delhi has given you a residence when you yourself is the man in charge makes mockery of everything and provokes a wry smile. 

And the list goes on and on...
As their national ambitions are shaping up they are trying to turn the anti Congress supporter base to anti BJP by political brainwashing of emotional volunteers. 'Now' they have also announced, their intentions of increasing reservations for lower castes and women.
Prashant Bhushan wants a referendum on article 370, let's do that on reservations also. If there is one thing which evokes strong reactions it's that after 60 years of independence we still want to pathetically increase reservations rather than create avenues for holistic development. 

As a youth I am starting to have doubts at having trusted the wrong people. There are no talks of jobs, adding revenues or doing any development. We were taught to conserve water in schools which no longer remains the need as per AAP. We grew up feeling disgruntled against reservations but still nothing has improved for good. If economy doesn't pick up now and AAP continues it's political brainwashing against the system it might lead to massive breakdown among the youth. In all my interactions with AAP supporters who support emotionally and financially (through donations), once they come to logical debate,  nobody has a counter agreement to any of above. They just reply that it's just few days and things will improve, but what if it doesn't??  More importantly, do we have time to take chance?? What if this influences the national elections and as things stand we have a fractured mandate?? India's biggest call for freedom 'Vande Matram' is being feverishly used to moralize people to support AAP where in reality our 'Matram' would never be 'Vande' if things continue like this. While we remain stooges to the selfish populist measures in short term, we become week and fragile in the long term. These are tough times for young India who are considereing demographic dividends, the biggest hope of India. If things stand like this India's biggest asset will become its biggest hurdle, unknowingly acting as puppets to strings we even don't know who is controlling. Shuddering thoughts. May better sense prevail.